You are a grown woman. You run a home, maybe a business, maybe a classroom full of other people’s children. You are capable and responsible, and people rely on you. And then something small happens. Your husband forgets to ask how your day was. A friend doesn’t answer your message. A relative makes one passing comment at the Shabbos table. Suddenly the hurt is enormous, much bigger than the moment itself.

When a reaction is far bigger than what caused it, it is often a sign that someone younger is speaking. Torah-based emotional growth calls her the inner child: the part of us that still carries needs from long ago, needs that were never fully met.

Every Neshama Needs Nourishment

Just as a body needs food and water, a soul needs nourishment too. Chava describes these “nutrients” simply: unconditional love, acceptance, validation, appreciation, warmth and encouragement. A child who receives them grows with a quiet sense that she is wanted, that she is good and that the world is a safe place to be.

When some of these nutrients were missing, a part of us stays hungry and thirsty. This is not about blaming our parents. Most parents gave what they had, often under real pressure and with their own unhealed hurts. Honoring them and seeing our own hunger honestly can live side by side. But the need itself doesn’t disappear just because we grew up. We carry it with us into adulthood, and very often we try to fill it from the outside.

How an Old Hunger Shows Up Today

The inner child rarely announces herself. She shows up in patterns. A constant search for someone to finally see the good in us. Saying yes when we mean no, because disappointing anyone feels unbearable. Quick anger when we feel overlooked. Turning to food, or to busyness, or to a screen, to quiet an ache we can’t name. Neglecting our own needs completely, because somewhere along the way we learned they don’t count.

Wanting love and recognition is not wrong. It is human, and in balance it is healthy. The difficulty comes when we approach our relationships with a hunger that can’t be satisfied. Then we become dependent on others’ responses, and when love doesn’t come in exactly the form we long for, it can feel like rejection, loneliness or even abandonment. A small omission touches a very old wound.

Why No One Outside Can Fill It Completely

Many women quietly hope that the right husband, the right friend or enough success will finally fill the empty place. The people in our lives can give us a great deal. But a husband cannot become the parent we needed at four years old, and our children were never meant to carry that job. When we ask them to, the relationship gets heavy, and the hunger remains.

Dovid HaMelech wrote words that many women find deeply comforting: “Though my father and mother have left me, Hashem will gather me in” (Tehillim 27:10). Wherever human love fell short, there is a Source of love that did not. Hashem chose to bring each of us into the world, on purpose and with love. A woman who begins to feel that, not only to know it, slowly finds a steadier foundation to stand on.

Like a Weaned Child With Its Mother

In Tehillim 131, Dovid describes his soul as “like a weaned child with its mother.” Picture a nursing baby on her mother’s lap: restless, reaching, crying until she is fed. Now picture a child who has been nourished. She sits on the same lap, but she is calm. She isn’t grasping anymore. She simply rests, secure that she is cared for.

That is a beautiful picture of a nourished inner child. Many of our fears and worries come from a sense of being disconnected from Hashem’s loving care. As the inner child is nurtured, on the human level and the spiritual level together, trust can grow in place of grasping. Our interpretations change, our reactions soften and our relationships often begin to shift as well.

Giving the Hungry Child What She Needs

Chazal teach, “More than the calf wants to nurse, the cow wants to give milk” (Pesachim 112a). Chava often uses this teaching to describe Hashem’s love: He longs to nourish us even more than we long to be nourished. The hungry places inside us are not a sign that we are broken. They are an invitation to receive.

Through her Soul Therapy approach, Chava guides women to meet these younger parts of themselves with compassion instead of shame. She creates a safe space where what was left hungry can be seen, and listens without judgment. The goal is not to live in the past, but to let undeveloped parts of us grow, so that the whole neshama can feel more whole and more at peace.

If you are new here, you may enjoy our first article, What Is Torah-Based Emotional Growth?, which explains the foundation of this path.

Where to Begin

If you recognized yourself in these words, our WhatsApp community is a gentle place to keep learning, with short thoughts and encouragement from Chava. For women who are ready for a deeper journey, the Chiburim course opens November 16, guiding connection to yourself, to the people you love and to Hashem.

A gentle note: this article is for learning and inspiration, and it isn’t a substitute for professional help. If you are in crisis or in any danger, please reach out right away to your local emergency services or to a trusted professional.

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